A Lesson On Peace

My husband has left to be in the field for a month. I am learning to cope.

Of course my first coping mechanism was to run myself entirely ragged until I couldn't think. Then I would just sleep and then wake up and continue running again. That started on Friday when I worked a 10 hour shift, then went for ice cream and didn't get home until 10pm and then stayed up later talking on the phone and watching Netflix. Of course then what happened Saturday? I woke up at 7am started cleaning my house, then ran out the door to run errands and stayed away the whole day until it was time to go home and make dinner.

I tell you what, that worked. I was busy, busy, busy and I didn't have to deal with feeling of loneliness once for almost a full 36 hours. Go me.

And then I had this experience.

I had invited the sisters over for dinner on Saturday night, which is why it was important for me to go home and make dinner. The sisters were great as soon as they walked in the door and even helped me finish some of the dinner preparations. We had a wonderful dinner while we talked and laughed and had a good time and I thought "Yup, I'm in the clear. No emotions tonight."

And then, of course, as they inevitably do, the sisters asked if they could leave me with a spiritual message. And I said "Sure, I could use some of the Spirit in my life." Thinking of course, nonchalantly that this would be just another nice conversation and that we would chat pleasantly about the gospel and then the night would be done and I could continue my binge watching of Netflix to numb my feelings.

Well, I was wrong.

The sisters started off asking what my favorite scripture was. I automatically turned to John 14: 27.

This was the moment when the world slowed down.

I didn't even have to read it. I've read it so many times it's memorized.

"Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid."

I sat in my chair feeling, for the first time in about two weeks, peace. This was a serenity of heart that calmed my soul and chased away my panic. But I did not feel pain or anxiety as I had thought. No. Instead I felt love and hope and faith enter and permeate my heart.

I realized that for the last two days my frantic racing had done nothing but stress me out and take me further from the Lord. That is the last thing I wanted. The place I needed to go to find solace in my feelings was closer to the Lord, which takes me being brave enough to face my anxiety rather than finding every excuse to run from it.

This was my lesson in peace. I can't find peace in Netflix. I can find numbness and entertainment, but in the end I am left just as weak as I was before and still just as anxious as before.

The Lord is where we find peace. He gives us strength. He gives us faith. He will not take our feelings from us. We still have to face and deal with them. But he will give us the strength and comfort to deal with them.

Everything is better with the Lord on your side. Everything is possible with the Lord on your side.

It is the Lord's promise that if we seek, we shall find. If we seek Him, we will find Him. We are loved by Him and I know he will not abandon us to the darkness.

I, for one, have decided to seek His light, because there is better way to face the trials of this earth than by His side.